Drifting

You know when people talk about college, they make a point to say things like “Don’t change your major too many times or you’ll never finish on time!” And then the eyes will roll, and assurance that you actually do know what you’re planning to do with the rest of your life follows.

Then you get to college and take your first major class or a non-major class and find something else speaks to you and the next thing you know you’re in an office applying for a major change.

You know what I’m talking about?

That’s me. For the longest time I was so sure that I wanted to be a pediatrician. It was what I was telling my friends and my parents and my friend’s parents and my parent’s friends. Basically everyone knew about my plans for the future.

In fact, if there was a superlative in high school for “Most Likely to Become A Doctor” it would’ve been given to me.

Then I went to college, and realized a couple of things.

  1. I really like chemistry. Like REALLY like it.
  2. I don’t want to go to med school and then spend 3 more years doing residency.
  3. I love medicine and want to work in a hospital and have patient interactions.

So now what? I feel pressure from the universe to go on to medical school. It’s what I have wanted to do for a long time, and I’ve told everyone that med school was my plan. However, at the same time, I feel like I’m not the same person as I used to be.

After my hospitalization, things haven’t really been the same. I get tired more easily and there’s a level of pain that I experience everyday. Combine that with school and stress, and things aren’t looking too great for me.

But I’m not a quitter, I want to work in a hospital, I want to make a difference in the world. I still want to go to school and further my education. So now what?

I’ve been looking around at other careers that will allow me to work in the medical field, but not many of them speak to my soul. Thinking about the future is hard and can be not so fun to do.

Of course there are other factors too, such as can I have a family with this career, what are my chances to advance within this field, what kind of physical, mental and emotional toll will this take on me. And of course, how much will I be I be making?

I kind of need to decide quick because I have to register for classes and what not. Life is moving along regardless if I know what I’m doing or not.

Right now I feel like I’m lost at sea or something dramatic like that. All around me are potential school and career choices, but I don’t know what direction to choose. I’m just being propelled by the tides and waves.

All I can say is that I hope I figure things out soon, before I end up with a pile of regrets.

xo

Chid

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