In the grand scheme of life and of all the problems that are prevalent in the world, this one doesn’t seem to top the list. I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t even make it on to the list, but it still bothers me. As superficial as this may sound, and as vain as I may come across (which I am not, I promise!) I must admit that there is something that has been bothering me for quite sometime now.
What is this problem you may ask?
Well, my problem is that I’m not pretty.
That’s right, I said it. Judge me if you must, but it’s something that has been upsetting me for quite a while now and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I have.
Now, I know I’m not ugly per se. I don’t have a face that looks like it has been run over by a lawn mower, but I also don’t have a face that makes other people stop and think “Wow, she’s really pretty” either. My grandma and my parents think I’m cute, but we all know that that doesn’t really count (Sorry mom!).
With all of the words typically used to describe me, pretty never seems to be on the list. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being described as caring, passionate, smart, hard-working and empathetic, but for once can someone acknowledge that I don’t look like a sack of potatoes?
Over the past few years, I’ve made more and more friendships with guys and due to those friendships, I’ve gained access to the workings of a mind that has been (and is still) foreign to me. So whenever I go around campus with the boys or whenever I am privy to their conversations and they start to talk about girls that they find attractive, I begin to wonder if anyone thinks of me that way.
I know that different people have different taste in what they think is attractive, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Also, I’m not looking for personal validation from someone based upon the fact that someone thinks I’m kinda cute. I’m just curious to know if anyone out there who would look at me and think, “Wow, she’s really nice looking and I want to get to know her”.
As superficial as this may all sound, I know that it stems from something more than that. I’m not just wondering if someone out there thinks I’m pretty, I’m wondering if I am accepted by those around me. There’s a fundamental urge to belong that everyone feels and as sad as it is, our society idolizes physical appearance. If you look a certain way, then you get treated differently. So people like me, whose noses might be a little too big, whose skin might be a little too dark and whose eyebrows might be a little too uneven, there’s not a lot of luck out there.
One thing that hasn’t changed, even after all of my years spent as an average-looking female is my desire to become something else. I don’t wear make-up on a day to day basis, this is partly because of my fears of looking like a clown, and also because I’m a little lazy. However, I’m not going to start wearing make-up just so that others can validate me. If I want to make a change, I’m going to to it because I want to, not because I feel pressured from others to do so.